If there is no help from the Helper (the Holy Spirit) there is not any divine nature, divine power or entrance into the kingdom. One is left with dead relationship and dead religion. This same kind of union and understanding can be (and should be) known to us in personal relationships and especially in marriage. We should be totally open to receive and house the Holy Spirit in our inner person so he can prepare us to be given to others.
If as marriage partners we could grasp this concept of being formed by the Helper to be given to our partners, and others, then the pursuit of personal needs, desires, and motivations could be swallowed up by being consumed by the Helper to be made as a gift for another. When this doesn’t happen our own pursuits of God, a deeper life, and even solitude and silence become exercises to benefit us as a gift to ourselves and not as a preparing (as a bride or groom) for someone else. The Helper’s job is to make us a gift to Jesus and then a gift to someone else. To pray for Holy Spirit gifts to make ourselves more desirable, acceptable, beautiful, transformed, and thus a gift, is to understand the union of the Helper as One “who abides in us and is in us” (John 14:17). True union with Jesus, and with mates and others, is not very probable without this kind of regeneration and understanding.
“I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.” Jesus