I went to the doctor not long ago and after a very careful examination of two minutes and twenty-six seconds, he gave me a prescription to cure my ailments. I went straight way to the pharmacy to have this filled and they gave me the prescribed drug with a five-page letter listing the possible side effects.
The warnings on the paper said:
Could cause heart attacks, diabetes, running sores, running nose, running eyes, running ears, headaches, palpitations (whatever that is, no, I looked it up… it’s pimples), athletes foot, red specks, red spots, red sores, red rings, red lines, shortness of breath, shortness of sight, shortness of height, shortness of hair, shortness of temper, shortness of patience, asthma, blood clots, bladder infections, kidney infections, heart infections, lung infections, pancreas infections, stomach infections, ear infections to the running ears, eye infections to the running eyes, bunions, strokes, high fever, black spots floating in the eyes, black spots on the skin, black spots on the fingernails, black spots on the tongue, black spots on the liver, aneurisms, hair loss, appetite loss, financial loss, friendship loss, marriage loss, bloated belly, bloated voice, bloated hair, sterility, constipation, diarrhea… and that was just the first page.
All I had was a little hacking cough. So I decided maybe a Vick’s cough drop and a glass of red wine might do it. I did not read pages two through five. I’m feeling a lot better now.
“And proclaim as you go, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, and cast out demons.” Jesus