I recently had to go in for another Old People’s Check Up with my primary care doctor. When I went in, Delores the Medical Assistant wanted to know my weight and so I told her. She said, “Not what you weighed in high school but what you weigh now.” She seemed to think there was a discrepancy in the weight I gave her and asked me to get on the scales. I did and she said that I needed to put both feet up on the scales to get an accurate reading. Delores can be fussy about stuff like that.
She took me on back to the little examining room that causes skyscraper high blood pressure readings… and it did. The room worked and I had a high reading. She said, “Maybe you need a couple more medications to go with the six or seven you are already taking for your high blood pressure.” Then like she ends most sentences she said: “We’ll ask the doctor about that.” This is a scary place.
As Delores the Medical Assistant leaned over to take my temperature and other vitals she said, “What’s that raw red rash and red bumps all over your skin?” I told her it was all quite normal that I had been exfoliating my skin and getting rid of the dead skin cells using the new exfoliating sandpaper washcloths Roz had recently purchased. She said to ask the doctor for antibiotics, skin cream and medicated lotion to try and deal with the issue and get healed up. Looks like I have some prescriptions to pick up before I can get back over to other side of the Pond.
“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.” Jesus