HOW TO BE OLD #2

Another category of old people is the old Bible guys. The oldest was Methuselah at 969, then Jared 962, Noah 950, Adam 930, Kenan 910, Enosh 905, Mahalalel 895, Lamech 777 and so on… really old people. How did they get so old… here’s how:

1. Bad Math. They learned math from the same teacher I did: 4×4=44, 31+7=317, 6×12=612, 58-6=685, (and if these equations appear OK to you… well…) So someone might ask them how old they were and they would say. “I was born in 35 BC and then you add my birthdays and I reckon I’m about 612 years old.” So, here’s the second reason:

2. Loved Birthday Parties. They had one every Friday, 52 or more each year… so at 50 years old that person could be 502 years old or more. Makes perfect sense. Then the third reason:

3. No Pampers and Goat’s Milk. Their mothers did not have Pampers and so they used tree branches, bark, wool rags, goatskins or nothing. They fed them goat’s milk and goat cheese and this made them very tough, mean, rugged and unruly with bad breath… so they lived long. The oldest old guys were those whose mothers made them eat homemade ice cream made from goat’s milk.

There were no old women. They each had 15 children and all died at 38 years old from having no sleep in 18 years and no Pampers invented yet. Sarah lived to be 128 years old, but hey, she was still having kids at 90. And Anna the Prophet, lived to 84, “having never left the temple, serving night and day” so she could have been on the 20/4 schedule and thus have been 37 years old. (Only two women whose ages are mentioned) I hope all of this is clear to you.

“You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” Jesus