CART TRAINER #3

I went in to apply for a job as a Cart Trainer with a large supermarket. The job required teaching the Shopping Carts not to leave the Parking Lot or go across the yellow perimeter lines and should that happen, how to train the Carts to lock their wheels and not budge an inch past the yellow lines.

My head was filled with the excitement of training Carts as though I were Cesar Millan the famous dog trainer, known as an expert in connecting with dogs through dog psychology, Millan’s “work focuses on handling a dog with what he calls “calm-assertive energy”. He believes that dog owners should establish their role as calm-assertive pack leaders. According to Millan, dogs have three primary needs: exercise, discipline and affection — in that order.

As you can imagine I was already seeing myself as the Cart Whisperer like Millan is known as the Dog Whisperer. I was thinking someone who knows Shopping Carts like Millan knows dogs can instill this same ‘exercise, discipline and affection’ in the Cart world.

After I told the Job Interviewer about my approach he was as excited as I was because these Carts cost the store about $100 each and the losses are significant to bottom line profits. I got hired on the spot and started as a Cart Trainer immediately.

No, really, this is what happened.

“You shall know the truth and truth shall set you free.” Jesus