YEAR END WEIGH-IN

I recently had to go in for my Old People’s Year End Weigh-in and check-up. This is not a pleasant experience because I have had to worry about lab results and tests and various issues since my last check-up knowing I would have to come in and face the facts. First I had to meet with Delores the Medical Assistant. I told her I had weighed earlier that morning… before I could finish she wanted me to get on her worn-out, creaky, antique, piece of junk, inaccurate scales to do my Weigh-In. I was instantly in much worse health than when I went in. This just doesn’t seem like good medical practice to have people weigh in first thing.

Then we went back to the exam room and Delores asked if my medical prescriptions had changed …no. Then it’s my blood pressure and I heard a: ‘Oh, my.” I don’t think that meant it was good. Then Delores asked if I had any new issues to discuss. I thought… this is my chance to show Delores I know a little something about medicine too. I said, ‘Well, I am dealing some with Dystrophic Toenails.’ I felt pretty sassy and capable spitting out that big medical term. The Medical Assistant didn’t even look at my toenails but said, ‘Oh, you mean Old People Toenails… I see about fifteen sets of those a day.’ I said, ‘Really?’ Then Delores told me, ‘Some people rot from the head down and some people rot from the feet up.’ She made a note for the doctor and I don’t remember anything else. I just went home to read up on rot remedies. It is good to have competent medical people looking out for you.

No, really, that’s what happened.

“Those who are healthy don’t need a physician, but those who are sick do.” Jesus