RACKM-P

The Psalmist wrote, “As a deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for you, O God.” I have always liked that phrase and the songs written about it. The beauty and tranquility of nature, a deer sipping cool water at a mountain spring, very peaceful. But then I had never really known “town deer.” We live in a small town in the mountains. The deer think they lived here first and so they refuse to move out into the woods. They are street smart, yard gangsters that prowl at night to destroy expensive landscaping and eat unnatural things to their diet just to be low-down, mean and destructive.

I sought local help and wisdom on how to keep the deer out of the yard and received advice from hanging wind chimes, tin foil strips, a box with barking and growling sounds, bars of soap, chili powder, AK-47, hand grenades, 440 volt electric wire fence and bamboo jungle traps. Then one guy advises me that the only thing that really works is to spray the plants, trees and flowers and yard with wild animal urine. Sure enough, Google took to me several brands of these products that are on the market. I ordered a good-sized bottle of Rattlesnake, Armadillo, Coyote, Kangaroo and Mountain Lion urine mixed, thus the acronym: RACKM-P. The idea is the deer will smell the strong order, some of it from their natural predators and thus stay away from our yard plants. My first thought was, how do they get this product? Who are the people that harvest this? I went past this quickly to the menacing deer and dealing with the problem.

After suiting up in a space suit, rubber gloves, a gas mask, helmet, rubber wading boots and other paraphernalia, I sprayed the entire yard. The smell was so bad I had to burn all the clothes, gloves and boots. Three families in the neighborhood moved and two others filed lawsuits because of the horrible odor. I tried to get the smell off of me with kerosene, solvent and paint thinner. After treating my second-degree burns from the solvent and paint thinner, I sat up that night to watch the deer munching away on the new tasting geraniums and roses and wishing I had chosen the electric wire and hand grenades. Then I thought again, just like the scripture says, “As a deer pants for the water, you can usually squeeze off at least one good shot,” or something like that. Maybe I’ll set out some nice cool water and wait.

(From RMJ Archives 2012 when we lived in Colorado)

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life.” Jesus